Thursday, January 21, 2010

Zombies are comin'!! Zombies are comin'!!

Being the crude and insensitive person I am, not to mention I happen to make my living from zombies, I found it hard to believe that no one had mentioned zombies in relation to the disaster in Haiti. Well, there were some kooky comments about how the Haitians sold their souls to the devil in order to defeat the French. Pfft! Like supernatural assistance would be needed for that! But no mention of zombies there either.

How could this be? Haiti is the home of the zombie. Yeah, we know that the idea of zombies have been around for centuries (ghouls, revenants, and arguably vampires). The instances of a flesh-eating zombie apocalypse pre-dates George Romero by about 4,000 years! The goddess Ishtar/Inanna threatens, once in her descent to the underworld and once in the Epic of Gilgamesh!,
 "I shall raise up the dead and they shall eat the living.
I shall make the dead outnumber the living." 
The word "zombie" itself has roots in ancient Africa. Zombi is the name of Vodou snake Iwa Damballah Wedo...but of course you Marvel Comic readers knew that, right? It is akin to the word "nzambi" meaning "god".  But Haiti is where the two came together. Haiti is also home to some of the most (infamous?) famous cases of zombification including  Felicia Felix-Mentor and  Clairvius Narcisse whose zombie shenanigans were documented by Wade Davis.


So why is everyone avoiding the topic of Haitian zombies? Could it be too soon? Maybe because of the wounded the zombies are not so noticeable. But give it time. Soon medical personnel will take notice. Or maybe they already have. The Marines are there already. They were there first. Were they ordered to clear the area of the walking dead so that relief efforts could get underway? Maybe what seems to be confusion and lack of organization is actually strategy on behalf of the military? I smell a cover-up!

Yes, that is a dump truck full of bodies!

The Head Voodoo Priest in Haiti, Max Beauvoir, has spoken out about his concerns. Could this article be riddled with clues? I think so. Instead of China World War Z begins in Haiti. Good news is the fact that Haiti is an island that can be easily quarantined if the military can no longer deal with the influx of zombies. Let's just pray that it doesn't come to that!

William of Newburgh wrote in his Historia rerum Anglicarum "one would not easily believe that corpses come out of their graves and wander around, animated by some evil spirit, to terrorize or harm the living, unless there were many cases in our times, supported by ample testimony". Those words come to us from almost 1,000 years ago and they ring just as true today as they did then.

You may think I'm crazy but I take solace in the fact that when your undead, half-rotten and bloated family members are munching on your gray matter with sporks your last thought will be "Dammit! That Billy Tackett was right...AGAIN!!"

1 comment:

billy tackett said...

I hate to do this but I see that I have to. I can say for certain that if this post offends you then you are reading it wrong. Give it a month and read it again. If you are still offended at that time you can send hate mail then.

Fun is being poked, just not where you think it is. What I mean by this will become obvious in the coming weeks. Just hang tight.