Friday, January 29, 2010

Dog Faced Corpse update

As some of you know I was commissioned by an Iraqi death metal band called Dog Faced Corpse to create their CD cover. You can read all about that here in my blog post from August of '09. It's my understanding that some of the guys are in school and since that of course is priority the recording of the album is taking a little while. But they have released a teaser to whet your whistles! Enjoy.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Zombies are comin!! revisited

Now that I have the evidence to properly defend my post pertaining to zombies in Haiti I'l do so.

Below are links to some articles that are starting to float around. You don't have to read the article because I think the headlines speak for themselves.(HAARP stands for High Frequency Active Aural Research Program and is considered by some to be a potential weapon.)

UFO Or HAARP Over Haiti Night Before Quake
 'Haiti Full Of Oil' (1-28-08) - US HAARPs Quake & Grabs Oil?
US Army Takes Haiti - US Blocks Some Aid Flights
Why Is The US Military Occupying Four Airports In Haiti?
UN Said Haiti Is Full Of Gold Back In The 1970s!
Clincher! - US Says Will Stay In Haiti 'For Long Term'
Chavez Say US 'Weapon' Caused Haiti Quake
So. Command Just Happened To Be Doing Haiti Drill... 
Eurasian Minerals May Of Their Holdings In Haiti
Eurasian Minerals 5 Main Projects - Haiti, Etc
The U.S. Created the Earthquake in Haiti?

There is the intended butt of my joke. Here is a list of others that I made fun of in the post:
1. Those that debate fast zombies vs. slow zombies or brain eaters vs. flesh eaters without acknowledging the fact that the first Hollywood zombies were Voodoo type zombies.
2. Those that think Voodoo type zombies are the original walking dead.
3. Journalist that make leaps of logic without knowing much about anything. Explanation: The article I linked to with the headline Head Voodoo Priest Protests Haiti’s Mass Burials, Fear of Zombies. The article seems to be legit. It has shown up at various news sites but this version has one, very slight difference which is the erroneous statement "Many Haitians believe that the desecration of their loves ones could lead to the dead roaming the earth again as Zombies." So the head Voodoo priest does not mention zombies in the article. Nobody brings this up. And the fact that Haitian zombies don't come back for revenge but rather as cheap labor isn't mentioned either.
4. People who think there's a time limit before you can make fun of something. Because as we know time heals all wounds and makes shit funny as hell!
5. Pat Robertson and evangelicals that think the earthquake was because Haitians sold their souls 200 years ago. If souls were sold isn't an eternity in Hell proper punishment?
6. The French.
7. Screenwriters and authors. How long before zombie themed screenplays and stories start showing up using the quake as a backdrop if not a cause for the apocalypse? 6 months? A year?

I was taken to task because I was using the pain and suffering of thousands to make a joke. I was using the pain and suffering of thousands to make a point: American society is full of people who are sensationalist-loving, unobservant, media-consuming, gullible retards.

Was I really making fun of people or just holding up a mirror?

The quake in Haiti was terrible. My condolences goes out to those that have lost loved ones. But as an honest American my life is not affected. No one I know was affected. 13 days after the quake a Facebook status re-post thingy started making the rounds questioning why we as a country are so focused on Haiti when we still have victims from Katrina trying to put their lives back in order and homeless people dying on our streets everyday yet there is no outcry. I'm beginning to wonder why I didn't wait 13 days before making my post as well.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Zombies are comin'!! Zombies are comin'!!

Being the crude and insensitive person I am, not to mention I happen to make my living from zombies, I found it hard to believe that no one had mentioned zombies in relation to the disaster in Haiti. Well, there were some kooky comments about how the Haitians sold their souls to the devil in order to defeat the French. Pfft! Like supernatural assistance would be needed for that! But no mention of zombies there either.

How could this be? Haiti is the home of the zombie. Yeah, we know that the idea of zombies have been around for centuries (ghouls, revenants, and arguably vampires). The instances of a flesh-eating zombie apocalypse pre-dates George Romero by about 4,000 years! The goddess Ishtar/Inanna threatens, once in her descent to the underworld and once in the Epic of Gilgamesh!,
 "I shall raise up the dead and they shall eat the living.
I shall make the dead outnumber the living." 
The word "zombie" itself has roots in ancient Africa. Zombi is the name of Vodou snake Iwa Damballah Wedo...but of course you Marvel Comic readers knew that, right? It is akin to the word "nzambi" meaning "god".  But Haiti is where the two came together. Haiti is also home to some of the most (infamous?) famous cases of zombification including  Felicia Felix-Mentor and  Clairvius Narcisse whose zombie shenanigans were documented by Wade Davis.


So why is everyone avoiding the topic of Haitian zombies? Could it be too soon? Maybe because of the wounded the zombies are not so noticeable. But give it time. Soon medical personnel will take notice. Or maybe they already have. The Marines are there already. They were there first. Were they ordered to clear the area of the walking dead so that relief efforts could get underway? Maybe what seems to be confusion and lack of organization is actually strategy on behalf of the military? I smell a cover-up!

Yes, that is a dump truck full of bodies!

The Head Voodoo Priest in Haiti, Max Beauvoir, has spoken out about his concerns. Could this article be riddled with clues? I think so. Instead of China World War Z begins in Haiti. Good news is the fact that Haiti is an island that can be easily quarantined if the military can no longer deal with the influx of zombies. Let's just pray that it doesn't come to that!

William of Newburgh wrote in his Historia rerum Anglicarum "one would not easily believe that corpses come out of their graves and wander around, animated by some evil spirit, to terrorize or harm the living, unless there were many cases in our times, supported by ample testimony". Those words come to us from almost 1,000 years ago and they ring just as true today as they did then.

You may think I'm crazy but I take solace in the fact that when your undead, half-rotten and bloated family members are munching on your gray matter with sporks your last thought will be "Dammit! That Billy Tackett was right...AGAIN!!"

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Vote fer me!!

I hate to be one of those folks that beg for you to vote for 'em...but I'm gonna be! I'm in a contest where the grand prize is chosen by Steve Buscemi, Chris Weitz (director of the Golden Compass & Twilight: New Moon), Helen Hsu (Curatorial Assistant at the Guggenheim Museum)  and a few others...but the People's Choice is chosen by you!  
No sign up or hoops to jump through, just go to the page and click on the little stars below my pieces. Thanks

Sunday, January 03, 2010

New Year's Rezzalooshuns for 2010

In 2010 I...
...will not refer to art I don't like as "fecal matter"...especially in the company of the artist.
...will prove everyone wrong.
...will not wipe boogers on people at art galleries.
...will do everything in my power to make obnoxious people uneasy.
...will laugh and point at any middle aged woman that tries to dress more hip than their teen age daughter.
...will not roll my eyes as much.
...will sigh audibly more.
...will make new friends that I can alienate in new ways.
...will smack anyone in the back of the head that I suspect is wearing a bad hairpiece.
...will find beauty in things that are your Mama!
...will not care about what people that don't matter think.
...will not visit websites that hijack my speakers with music and sound effects.
...will eat healthier by dining only on vegans and Peta supporters.
...will petition for the return of government cheese.
...will be nicer to stupid people by referring to them as mildly retarded.
...will be nicer to mildly retarded people by referring to them as Twilight fans.
...will not be nicer to Twilight fans.
...will not prance through Wal-Mart wearing a pink top hat yelling "Has anyone seen my giraffe??"
...will overcome my fear of orange emery boards.
...will not listen to people who do nothing but bitch and moan about politics.
...will not poke homeless people in the eye with a stick.
...will make up more boring and pretentious stories about my art.
...will not paint as many zombies.
...will not come out of his shell because it is there for a reason.
...will drink more.
...will paint more zombies.
...will care more.
...will act as though I care more.
...will find more ways to fit the word "sphincter" into casual conversation.
...will not stick pro-KKK stickers over "Coexist" bumper stickers...well, not as much.
...will punch more hookers.
...will not berate toddlers in Starbucks.
...will stop sticking the wrong end of the paintbrush in my mouth.

This is how I'll be making myself a better person in 2010. What will you do? Because God knows you need to do something.