In 2010 I...
...will not refer to art I don't like as "fecal matter"...especially in the company of the artist.
...will prove everyone wrong.
...will not wipe boogers on people at art galleries.
...will do everything in my power to make obnoxious people uneasy.
...will laugh and point at any middle aged woman that tries to dress more hip than their teen age daughter.
...will not roll my eyes as much.
...will sigh audibly more.
...will make new friends that I can alienate in new ways.
...will smack anyone in the back of the head that I suspect is wearing a bad hairpiece.
...will find beauty in things that are ugly...like your Mama!
...will not care about what people that don't matter think.
...will not visit websites that hijack my speakers with music and sound effects.
...will eat healthier by dining only on vegans and Peta supporters.
...will petition for the return of government cheese.
...will be nicer to stupid people by referring to them as mildly retarded.
...will be nicer to mildly retarded people by referring to them as Twilight fans.
...will not be nicer to Twilight fans.
...will not prance through Wal-Mart wearing a pink top hat yelling "Has anyone seen my giraffe??"
...will overcome my fear of orange emery boards.
...will not listen to people who do nothing but bitch and moan about politics.
...will not poke homeless people in the eye with a stick.
...will make up more boring and pretentious stories about my art.
...will not paint as many zombies.
...will not come out of his shell because it is there for a reason.
...will drink more.
...will paint more zombies.
...will care more.
...will act as though I care more.
...will find more ways to fit the word "sphincter" into casual conversation.
...will not stick pro-KKK stickers over "Coexist" bumper stickers...well, not as much.
...will punch more hookers.
...will not berate toddlers in Starbucks.
...will stop sticking the wrong end of the paintbrush in my mouth.
This is how I'll be making myself a better person in 2010. What will you do? Because God knows you need to do something.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
In 2010 I...